You know those days where things just don't go your way?
So this morning I woke up fairly early and, hearing that Duncan was on teamspeak (a VOIP program), I immediately jumped on and jumped into my first game. I lost. I was a bit pissed off but I figured that I should man up and play again. I lost again. this went on for a while and I think I racked up something rediculous like 8 losses 1 win. Somehow I managed to stay cool, calm and collected and in the last games I decided "Censor it, I'm just going to decide to just do my best not to get supply blocked. So I did and I was able to come out of the games saying that I had improved.
It's very difficult to do this and look back and realise that you have improved. The negative connotations that come with losing whisper in your ear, telling you how bad you are and how ashamed of yourself you should be. I refused to listen to the voices (you're jealous cause they only talk to me) and actually managed to become a bit proud of myself. The losses still stung though and, wanting to get into diamond, it felt like such a setback.
This brings me to my last point, unless I have another one. I was reading Duncan's blog tonight and he was talking about how all the pressure, all the desperation to get better and to win was subtracting from the fun of StarCraft and how, having played some random games which didn't really, well, matter, he had a lot of fun and now that he has resumed StarCraft is having more fun as a result.
I thought about this and it's funny cause, frankly, I disagree. In the past few years I have become super competitive as a person. Rowing, debating and now StarCraft, plus my genes, have moulded me into a person who really hates losing to the extent that I just need to become better so I can avoid that. The thrill of winning is so great, gives me such a rush that I can't do without it. I don't think that I could have as much fun in other games as I do in StarCraft purely because who the fuck cares what happens? StarCraft has this amazing ability to let me be happy about my results because they feel like they actually mean something. The feeling off rolling over a Terran is great and I just get happy inside. The ability to have a tangible way of measuring my success has had me so addicted that I've already won 100 games this season in 1v1 alone.
I live for the competition, the ability to be able to get on every night and load up a game to have my mental toughness and brilliance, my hand speed and efficiency and sheer luck thrown against my opponent enthrals me and thus I'm thinking about it 24/7. I'm feeling StarCraft slowly start to be more and more important in my life, taking up more and more time and while some people may see this as a bad thing, some naive menopausal columnist (you guys should go read Duncan's columns.) may decide that I'm throwing my life away, I, on the other hand, find it to be an improvement.
While writing this I think I've figured out why: because I'm actually good at this game. I'm not Noblesse, I'm not Idra, I'm not the best player in South Africa, yet at least, but hell, I'm starting to get some modicum of skill and I like it. I've never been the best at anything I've done, not that I ever really will be, but with StarCraft I can see myself being better than my friends, better than a lot of people and this gives me purpose. It's not an endless tunnel that ends in a bottomless pit which I push myself through only to end up screwed anyway. It's a well that I'm at the bottom of that has a way up and while it might be hard, it might be gruelling and will sure as hell require some work, it's worth the effort and I'm glad I've found something that is.
Hope I made sense with this late night post and didn't seem as cocky as I think I did.
Grack
Hey bud, with 8 losses in a row you're fucked. You will have to win the next fifty to having a hope in hell of getting anywhere close to diamond.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you have the heart...no, no, wait, you have the heart AND the soul...but you just don't have the TALENT.
It may really be a lot more about talent, I hardly ever play but keep ranking in diamond league.
But you know what? It really doesn't matter, it is not a tangible skill. You are not learning piano or improving your physical form. Go outside and do something useful, if SC2 is really all-consuming you are wasting your youth. In a year or two the game's popularity will wane, no one will give a fuck and you will have 901283902123 hours invested in something which often only makes you frustrated and angry.
It might take you 10 years to realise what I've just told you, so I am not expecting you to agree now.
Alpha Out
Glad you're not expecting me to agree cause I don't, I think that the talent you talk about has more to do with the fact that a person has played more or less rts in their life. It is actually a skill one can work on and I couldn't really care less whether it's tangible or not. I think the thought that it's a natural talent, not hard work is fundamentally flawed. Lots of people become better owing to hard work and determination, take day[9] as an example. Thanks for the comment though.Glad you're not expecting me to agree cause I don't, I think that the talent you talk about has more to do with the fact that a person has played more or less rts in their life. It is actually a skill one can work on and I couldn't really care less whether it's tangible or not. I think the thought that it's a natural talent, not hard work is fundamentally flawed. Lots of people become better owing to hard work and determination, take day[9] as an example. Thanks for the comment though.
ReplyDelete